Greetings reader.
Photography is a funny thing, sometimes. Weather conditions can make or break a shot, which can completely alter your opinion of a location. Getting the perfect spot before anyone else can be the difference between a trip well worth it, or a waste of time. For the vast majority of the places I’ve visited, my general feelings towards them are connected to how good they were to me as a photographer. However, things get a little more complicated when that location is where you used to, and still occasionally, call “home”.
Despite growing up and spending the majority of my life in the Greater Vancouver Area, I never really had the time or money to photograph it, in depth. I’ve been to the city countless times, but almost never as a photographer, at least not since actually learning what all the buttons on my camera do. This means that my overall opinion of Vancouver was as a result of having grown up nearby, rather than as a photographer. I’ll skip the details, but that more or less meant I had a rather negative opinion of the city. I mean, you usually don’t choose to gamble on an all or nothing move halfway across the world because your life is going particularly well.
Since moving away from home my complex relationship with Vancouver had only become more completed. Perhaps it’s the nine hour flight. Perhaps it’s the hundreds of dollars I have to spend just to get there. Perhaps it’s the cost of food. Or perhaps it’s the mixed history I have with the city, but I never looked forward to a trip “home”. I looked forward to seeing my friends and family, drinking french vanilla cappuccinos, eating real poutine, and watching my hockey team disappoint me for 60 glorious minutes, but not to the city itself. Give me a choice between Busan and Vancouver, and I’d pick Busan 9 out of 10 times, despite the fact that I can’t handle even the mildest of Korean spices and to call my Korean “poor” would be an understatement. All of this is to say that I never really willingly went back to Vancouver, rather, I’ve always gone back out of a sense of obligation.
Back in 2019, I took a trip back to Vancouver, for a wedding. As per the usual, I was looking forward the things I mentioned above. However, I wasn’t really looking forward actually being back in the city itself. Typically, November is the rainiest month in Vancouver, which only added to my lack of excitement. I remember one week before my trip, I checked the forecast, with a sense of dread. I was not surprised to see that it was calling for rain, from the day I arrived to the day I left. Despite it being exactly what I had expected, I was still so dejected that I honestly reconsidered even bringing my camera at all. “I think this city hates me more than I hate it” I murmured to myself. However as my departure date drew closer and closer, something happened. Things seemed like they were starting to change, in a good way. Unlike in Japan, it actually seemed like I was going to get lucky (not like that).
I arrived at the airport early in the morning, as I usually do, grabbed some Tim’s and made my way towards the city. I had a lot of time to kill before sunset, so I walked around looking for any abstract architecture opportunities I could find, which was my bread and butter at the time. “Were these buildings always this ugly?” I muttered to myself as I walked around looking for something, anything, to produce a worthwhile image. I should add that I had just returned from Paju a week earlier, which provided me with countless abstract architecture opportunities. I’ve honestly never had so much fun getting blisters on my feet. I continued exploring Vancouver, including parts I’d never been to before, but I just couldn’t find anything. I’d seemingly hit a wall. Uninspired, half asleep, and grumpy, I put my camera away. I had to hope that sunset would give me something, anything worthwhile to shoot
Finally, it was time to head to my first planned destination for sunset. I walked to Stanley Park, to a spot I’d been eyeing on Google Maps for months, and set up my camera. The perfect location to grab a panoramic image of Vancouver’s stunning skyline. The ground was uneven, but I had to take the risk, only a panoramic image could do this scene justice . As the sun began to get lower and lower, I could feel it, “I’m about to get lucky” (again, not like that). The sky eventually lit up in a variety of colours. Finally, I felt good about a photo I’d taken, after hours of nothing. It wasn’t the best photo I’d ever taken, but it was enough to get the inspiration juices flowing. I headed back to my hotel, crawled into bed after being awake for over 36 hours, and passed out just in time to miss my hockey team lose to our bitter rivals.
The next morning, I overslept. My original plans for the morning were not going to work out. I was still exhausted from my flight but using the inspiration juices I’d gained from the evening before, I dragged myself out of bed and headed out. I could see the clouds starting to catch some color, in the distance. With time and options running out, I decided to return to the same location I’d shot the sunset. As I got closer to the location, I felt something I hadn’t really felt since about 2018, excitement for a genuinely awe inspiring sunrise. I ran to the location to ensure I didn’t blow my chance to get something truly special. I can’t quite put into words how mind-blowing the sunrise was. It was easily the best sunrise I’d ever seen, not just as a photographer, but in my life. Even being as experienced as I am, I still get nervous when conditions are this perfect, because if something goes wrong, I have no one and nothing to blame but myself. I arrived at my location, set my tripod up, got my camera level, and made sure all the settings were right. “I might actually pull this off”, I thought to myself. Just then I noticed my hands were shaking, but I wasn’t cold. I had to calm myself down, this was it, one chance, make or break. I took a deep breath and shot a few panoramic images as the sky continued to put on a show. In what simultaneously felt like an instant and an eternity, it was over.
As the colors begin to fade I finally took a moment to take everything in. I thought to myself. “My goodness, this place is something special”. I knew following the sunrise, I’d have head out of the city for the wedding. I packed up my gear, and started walking back to my hotel, when I suddenly I felt something strange. Typically, when I’m in Vancouver, I get “reverse homesick”, where I can’t wait to come back to Japan, but on this particular morning I had a feeling I’d never felt before. For the first time ever, I actually wanted to spend more time in Vancouver.
It’s been over a year and a half since that trip, and for the first time since moving abroad, I’m actually looking forward to going back. The irony of not being able to travel there now that I actually want to isn’t lost on me, but there will be no questions about whether or not I bring my gear, next time. For the first time in my life I can actually say that I’ve kind of fallen love Vancouver.
Now, I can hear some of you screaming at your screens “Jordan, it took you like 4 paragraphs to get into the photography bits! Also, how could you not love Vancouver, it’s so beautiful!”. First of all, yeah, there’s a reason I’m not a writer, and secondly the reason I wrote this is because I didn’t really get into photography until after I moved away from Vancouver, mostly due to monetary and time constraints. This was my first time being in Vancouver alone with my camera, the right set of skills, the time, and the money to actually see Vancouver as a photographer, rather than a broke college student working 2 jobs and volunteering in the city, just looking to get lucky (actually kind of like that, this time).
I think it’s important for us to remember, we can never really think of a location in an objective way, as our experiences change our perception, especially when that place is home. For me, it took over 30 years to finally see my own hometown in a positive way, and I owe that to photography, and getting the right conditions to grab a photo that might be a once in a lifetime opportunity for me. If there’s one thing I love about photography, it’s that it demands that I see the world with a keener eye and motivates me to both see more of the world and to revisit old places with a sense of newfound wonder. If it wasn’t for photography, I don’t know if I would ever feel the way I currently do about a city I once disliked so much I literally moved halfway across the world. For all of the stress, disappointment, and failure I’ve endured due to photography, it’s wins like this that make it such an important part of my life… also I actually watched my hockey team win a game, so that was nice.